Hobbit Topic #13


You’ve read to page 150, right? The dwarves and Bilbo appear to be lost. If only they had a map!

Look at the front of your book, and you’ll find the very map they need. Imagine Bilbo found a cell phone at the top of that very tall tree he climbed. He used the cell phone to call YOU (of all people)! Looking at the map, pretend you’re talking to Bilbo on your cell. What would you tell him about the map? What questions would you ask him? What advice would you give? Create an imaginary cell phone conversation between you and Bilbo, in which you describe for him the map and its regions. Offer him a few words of encouragement. You’re welcome to use your creativity and sense of humor for this exercise.


Image: iClipart

Here’s an example:

  • ESTHER: Yo.
  • BILBO: Hello?
  • ESTHER: Who is this?
  • BILBO: Mr. Baggins, at your service.
  • ESTHER: Who?
  • BILBO: Mr. Baggins of The Shire. At your service, madam.
  • ESTHER: So what, you’re that little dude from the book I’m reading? The guy with the hairy feet? Him?
  • BILBO: Er…
  • ESTHER: Where are you?
  • BILBO: I’m at the top of a tree in the dreaded forest of Mirkwood!
  • ESTHER: Seriously? So this is the part of the book where you’re lost?
  • BILBO: Indeed, Madam, I’m as lost as lost can be. Can you help me find my way out of the forest, through some magical means, oh woman of the shiny metal object?
  • ESTHER: Woman of the what?
  • BILBO: I’m of the impression you are a fairy or other magical creature, trapped within the talking object which I hold.
  • ESTHER: You mean your cell phone?
  • BILBO: Is that what it’s called?
  • ESTHER: Listen, hairy-footed dude, I know exactly what you need, because I’ve been reading your book for my reading class. You need a map of Middle Earth.
  • BILBO: Can you make one appear by magical means?
  • ESTHER: No, but I have one right here at the front of my book. What do you want to know?
  • BILBO: How much farther to forest’s end?



32 responses »

  1. Anthony: hello,hell

    Bilbo: who in the world is this

    Anthony:its the person talking to you through the cell phone

    Bilbo: cell phone whats a cell phone

    Anthony: is a mobile item that you can talk through from a certain distance

    Bilbo: COOL

    Anthony: so who are you

    Bilbo: Bilbo baggins

    Anthony: who you’re that small person in the book im reading

    Bilbo: wait whats going on im just an imaginary thing that someone wrote in a book

    Anthony: yah pretty much

    Bilbo: DANGET

    Anthony: arent you stuck in mirkwood

    Bilbo: ok enough blabering lets get the party started im lost and i need your help can you help

    Anthony: yah i think

    Bilbo: what do you mean either you can or cant

    Anthony: ok do you see a path any where

    Bilbo: yah why

    Anthony: because take that path and make sure you never leave the path the consiquenses are crusal

    Bilbo: ok we wont

    Anthony: by the way you are like only one or two days away so hury up

    Bilbo: thanks and good bye

  2. A unknown name just called my cell.
    Bilbo:Hi this is Bilbo Baggins. I’m lost and I found this phone and it had your name in it. I realy need to find directions but there is nobody here, can you help me?
    Misti:Where are you?
    Bilbo:I’m in Mirkwood…
    Misti:I have a map..give me one second and i’ll see were you need to go.
    Bilbo:Yay!!!! I get to eat my gummie bears after all. Hahahaha
    Misti:Ok are you on the trail?
    Misti:Ok you need to head east and get out of the forest then go north. But be carefull there are giant spiders.
    Misti:They are north but if you go east first you wont see them.
    Bilbo:Ok I’m on my way no thank you so so much..
    Misti:No problem
    Bilbo:Well bye
    The phone hangs up..
    Misti:Mabe now i can get some sleep…

  3. Morgan:hello
    Morgan:who is this?
    Bilbo:Bilbo Baggins at your service and who is this.
    Morgan:This is morgan oh and your the hobbit in the book im reading.
    Bilbo:Say what.
    Morgan:Oh never mind.where are you.
    Bilbo:I need your help i’m in the dark forest mirkwood.
    Morgan:Do you need a map.
    Bilbo:yes I would love one and could you add some food with that.
    Morgan:Sorry I can’t ge you any food but on the map you need to go East and that should take you out of the forest.
    Bilbo:oh yes thank you very much.
    Morgan:well good luck bye.
    Bilbo:But I don’t want to buy anything.
    morgan:Just push end.

  4. Christina: hello???

    Bilbo: hello….(WHOA)

    Chistina: who is this??

    Bilbo: Mr. Baggins, the hobbit (:

    Chrisitna: awee your that lil dude!

    Bilbo: ehh sure…

    Christina: whatcha up to?

    Bilbo: im at the top of a tree, holding this shiny, vibrating, thingy that a wierd voice is coming from

    Christina: ohh yea a cell phone.. and that wierd voice is me thankyou very much!

    Bilbo: a cell phone, what? thats a wierd name… sorry

    Christina: yea i know. but what do you need Mr. Baggins?

    Bilbo: well as you know we are currently in the Mirkwood forest, and we are lost and idk where to go from here…i was wondering if you could help us??

    Christina: yea i sure can, i got a map at the front of the book that your in. Hmmm according to this map, there are a bunch of freaky, discusting creatures on the path that you must follow. Just stay on the path that your on, do not leave the path i warn you, and you will be outta there pretty soon. But be awar of those creatures and DONT BE DUMB!

    Bilbo: okay thankyou very much shiny thing. we will not leave the path, and will be aware of the creatures! -p.s…ill call you when we get out(; BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE(:

  5. Kevin: Hello.
    Bilbo: yes who is this???
    Kevin: This is Kevin.
    Bilbo: Well kevin i need your help.
    Kevin: Ok. What can i do for you my friend.
    Bilbo: Hehe. You called me friend does that meen were friends.
    Kevin: yea sure, wait you in my book im reading your stuck on the top of a tree.
    Bilbo: yes, i am and im scared and i need to pee.
    Kevin: Hahahahahahaha
    Bilbo: It’s not funny.
    Kevin: Your right its not, ok so your in a forest called Mirkwood, right?
    Bilbo: Yes, yes i am and i need your help.
    Kevin: ok just stay on the path Gandalf and Beorn told you to follow dont get out of the path or you’ll get lost again so just stay on that path ok.
    Bilbo: Ok. so thats it????
    Kevin: thats it.
    Bilbo: its that easy?
    Kevin its that easy, easier than pooping.
    Bilbo: oh thats easy.
    Kevin: yea sure, um ok well bye now.
    Bilbo: NO!!!! wait!!
    Kevin: what?
    Bilbo: I was woundering?
    Kevin: No!!! Bilbo ok im tired ok so see ya.
    Bilbo: No! wait. Hello, Hello. he hung up. 😦

  6. ringadlingading there goes that cellular device again…

    shariah:what up craig?dis be da shaggin shaggy!!who on a otha end of dis phone call??

    biblo:???this is bilbo baggins at your service…i must hav the wrong number cause i meant to call shariah helstrom…i didnt mean to call a mrs.shaggy sorry my dear

    shariah: yo dude dis is shariah hansen…my maiden name is shariah helstrom but yu got the right person just wish i knew who da heck yu is….ohhhhh wait yur the little dude from umm da book my reading teacher is making me read…huh??

    biblo:wow wait a minute….im in a book???

    shariah:yep its called the hobbit.

    bilbo:ohh well that would be knews to me…well anyways i found this here phone and your number was the only number in there and me and all these dwarfs are lost and were wonderin if yu knew where we were or how to get out….???

    shariah:ummmm….hold onn i think i hav a map in dis book….if my dog didnt eat it yet…

    bilbo:you have a dog?


    biblo:what kind of dog is it?

    shariah:well it sure aint my homie dawg but its a rotwiler and its a female and were lookin fer a male to breed her with…might you kno anyone with a male german rot??

    biblo:no not that i recall sorry my madam

    sariah:ohh well dat be lame…anyways i found my book and good and bad news…

    bilbo:ohh my goodness not again..what?

    shariah:well its not eatin up but whoeva printed or drew dis out are crackin crazy if they think i can read this….sooo hate to break it to yu but i cant help…i cant read it…


    shariah:wow dude watch the language….thats nooooway to speakinfront of a ladyy.

    bilbo:sorry madam excuse me

    sshariah:its all good hommie….welll sorry i couldnt help…

    bilbo:well thhanks for trying…

    shariah:yupp well peace out craig..

    bilbo: its bilbo.

    shariah:ohh my god neveeermind gooodbyye!!!

  7. Megahn: Helooooo????

    Bilbo: Hello, this is Mr. bilbo Baggins.

    Megahn: uhmm… hii?

    Bilbo: Yes, I need your help.

    Megahn: … my help? With what?

    Bilbo: My friends and I are lost in the Mirkwood forest, and I need your help getting out.

    Megahn: … aren’t you that shor, fat dude in the really boring book I have to read in my Reading class?

    Bilbo: Uhmm… yeah sure.

    Megahn: …

    Bilbo: Hello?

    Megahn: And you need my help why?

    Bilbo: Because we’re lost!

    Megahn: okay, okay. Don’t have a cow. Where are you guys?

    Bilbo: …

    Megahn: HEEELLLOOOOOO?!?!?!?

    Bilbo: In the Mirkwood forest!!

    Megahn: okay, jeeberz…

    Bilbo: Could you please tell us where we are?

    Megahn: Of course, you’re in the Mirkwood forest.

    Bilbo: Goodness… you’re being of no help! What a waste of a phone call!

    Megahn: Do you really want my help?

    Bilbo: Yes!

    Megahn: You guys just passed the enchanted stream if I’m correct. Beorn told you to go off of the path you’re on?

    Bilbo: Correct.

    Megahn: WRONG!!!! Point one for me.

    Bilbo: Wait, what?

    Megahn:L Beorn told you things to stay on the path that you are on. DO NOT LEAVE IT!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??????

    Bilbo: Yesh ma’am.

    Megahn: Okey dkoey then. You are almost out of the forest. Just stay on the path (DO NOT LEAVE THE PATH) and you’ll be outta there in no time.

    Bilbo: Alright.

    Megahn: Are you guys outta food?

    Bilbo: Yes, and were starving! Do you happen to have any food with you?

    Megahn: … yeahh….

    Bilbo: May we have some?

    Megahn: No. you need to go on a diet anyway. Now about the spiders… Stay away from ’em and son’t eat them. Just ignore them and don’t make ’em mad…

    Bilbo: Wait what?!?! What spiders?! Heloo? Heloo??


    Bilbo: Oh goodness…

  8. TORI:hello?


    TORI:who is this?

    BILBO:why this is bilbo baggens from the hobbit

    TORI:ooooooohhh you the short furry little dude that im reading about in my book for reading.

    BILBO:erk yes that is me.

    TORI:well what do you need?

    BILBO:well imn at the top of the big tree in the mirkwood forest and i seem to be lost you would noy happen to have a map so you can tell me how to get out of this place?

    TORI:well i have a map in my book would that help?

    BILBO:i think so could you tell me which way to go?

    TORI:yes you need to go east.

    BILBO:ok thank you but for how long until im out of the forest

    TORI:well it looks like you are somewhere in the middle so you have about the same amount of time back for ya.


    TORI:ya well just keep going straight and
    you will soon be out of the forest

    BILBO:thank you very much!

    TORI:no problamo little furry dude!

    BILBO:good bye

    TORI:bye bye!

  9. Rick: Hello?

    Bilbo: Hello, dear sir… I need your help!

    Rick: Um… Who are you?

    Bilbo: Bilbo!

    Rick: Bilbo… Sounds like a fimiliar name… Oh you’re the dude from that really boring book?!

    Bilbo: …I guess?

    Rick: Well… what do you need help with? I’m not sure if I’ll be able to aid you…

    Bilbo: Well I’m lost… And at the top of a very tall tree. I don’t know where I’m at.

    Rick: And how am I supposed to help you?

    Biblo: I’ve heard rumors that you held onto the vary map I need.

    Rick: Well… Oh! I have a book in my hand, for no apparent reason… I’ll check to see if there’s a map in it.

    Bilbo: Oh dear, thank you!

    Rick: Okay, I’m assuming you’re close from getting out of the forest.

    Bilbo: Really?

    Rick:Yes… just follow the trail… Uh my phone is gonna die so… Bye!

    Biblo: Wait I…

    *Hangs up*

  10. Derek:Hello
    Bilbo:WAHH! This shiny thing talks.
    Derek:What the heck man, don’t scream in my ear. What’s your name anyways.
    Bilbo:My name is Bilbo Baggins.
    Derek:Wait, aren’t you the guy from the book The Hobbit.
    Bilbo:Uuuuh, what book?
    Derek:Never mind, what do you need.
    Bilbo:I need directions out of Mirkwood, oh shiny talking thing.
    Derek:First off, it’s a cell phone. Second off, My name is Derek, and I can definitly do that. Just give me a sec to look in my book…ok, I found it.
    Bilbo:Give me the directions already.
    Derek:Hold your horses, looks like you just need to keep going for about 2 more days, and what ever you do don’t leave the path.
    Derek:There are lots of spiders of the path, BIG spiders.
    Bilbo:Thanks, I’ll go tell the others.

  11. jc: hello.
    Bilbo: hi jc this is Bilbo from the Hobbit.
    jc: hey whats up.
    Bilbo:i am stuck in Mirkwood and i need directions out.
    jc: alright i have a map in the front of my book and i can help you.
    Bilbo: thank you very much jc you are a very kind person.
    jc: you are mighty welcome.
    Bilbo: ok where am I.
    jc: you are just past the enchanted river arnt you.
    Bilbo: yes we just passed that.
    jc: ok so you are near a spider web so look out.
    Bilbo: ok wich way is the spider web so that we dont run into it.
    jc: it is to your right.
    Bilbo: ok we will be sure not to get to close to the spider web.
    jc: ok this is where you need to go so write this down.
    Bilbo: ok i am ready.
    jc: ok this is where you need to go. Go northeast and then follow the trail out and you will be on your way.
    Bilbo: thank you so very much i will return the favor when i can.
    jc: sounds good and you are welcome.
    Bilbo: goodbye.
    jc: goodbye.

  12. Matthew: Hello? Any body there?

    Bilbo: Yes, I’m here and I need your help.

    Matthew: Um, ok? What do you need help with?

    Bilbo: I need to get out of this forest, that I’m in.

    Matthew: Ok, do you know maybe what the forest’s name might be?

    Bilbo: Yes, its called Mirkwood, i beleive.

    Matthew: I know exactly where that is!

    Bilbo: That is so wondeful!

    Matthew: Ok, now do you were you might be in there?

    Bilbo: I’m at the top of a very tall tree in the middle of Mirkwood.

    Matthew: You’ve came a long ways to get there, have’nt you?

    Bilbo: Yes, it has been very long and also very tiring.

    Matthew: I could only imagine.

    Bilbo: Then one of the dwarves that have been travling with me, spotted a magical device, the one which i am currently holding in my hand to speak to you with. With that being said, what may i call.

    Matthew: I beleive that “magical device” your using is called a cell phone. They have become very popular, and almost everyone has one, now back to helping you get out of the forest. You need to keep following the path that Gandolf informed you about.

    Bilbo: We’re trying to excape though.

    Matthew: If you follow that path, you eventually will. But now you need to be very cautious about where that path takes you.

    Bilbo: What are you saying?

    Matthew: What I’m saying is that along the path you might visit some very unfriendly creatures according to my map.

    Bilbo: Now what kind of creaters might those be?

    Matthew: Giant Spiders, and there as unfriendly as you think.

    Bilbo: Is there possibly any way around those, so you call “Giant Spiders”?

    Matthew: I beleive not.

    Bilbo: Well then, me and my dwarves will have to stay strong and atleast try to fight the giant spiders, if we want to survive and get out of this forest.

    Matthew: I wish you all the luck, and when you do come to the spiders you need to immediatly go east. In a couple of days you should reach the end of the forest, is you survive past the spiders.

    Bilbo: I have told the dwarves everything. They have excelent memory, so we should be able to follow all of the directions you have given me.

    Matthew: Good luck to you all, and I hope all of you can make it out of that forest as safe as possible.

    Bilbo: Thanks so much for your help.

    Matthew: It was really no problem at all, Have a good day.

  13. Kahlan:Yellow?

    Bilbo: Hello my kind Sir.


    Bilbo: My name is Bilbo Baggins from the Shire.

    Kahlan: Oh..yea your the guy im reading about in my book, thats stuck in a tree in Mirckwood.

    Bilbo: Yep, Would you happen to have a map that could get me and my friends out of this

    Kahlan: A matter of fact i do, lemme check

    Bilbo: Thanks.

    Kahlan: Ok.. It looks like there are some huge spiders not far from that tree that your in, so if you go due east you should be able to get out of the forest, and avoid the spiders.

    Bilbo: Thank you, Sir

    Kahlan: Not a problem.

    Bilbo: Well… Bye.

    Kahlan: Later.

    • Hey KahlanStudent#6: I have a response for you on this journal topic (#13), #12 journal topic, and some of the earlier ones, but you haven’t submitted responses to journals #10 and #11. You need to keep a running record of which journals you’ve done, so you don’t accidentally skip any.

  14. Kalem: Hello who is this?

    Bilbo: Whoa where did that noise come from?

    Kalem: Ummm, the cell phone in your hand you probably have it on speaker.

    Bilbo: Oh, well then Bilbo Baggins at your service.

    Kalem: Oh your the hobbit in the book I am reading.

    Bilbo: Me in a book, like the ones I would read in my hole between first and second breakfast?

    Kalem: Well I guess it would be that type of book.

    Bilbo: Oh I wish I was was back in my hole with a full stomach… Wait If I am in a book then there must be a map or might you know if we ever get our of this dreadful forest?

    Kalem: Now that you have mentioned it I remember there is a map in the book. OK I found it you are actually not far from the end of the forest. You just can’t see it because you are in a large valley. There is also great forest spiders not far from you and the only way to get past them is to… Beep Beep oh I have another call I have to go bye.

    Bilbo: Wait wait! How do you get past the spiders?

  15. Cooper Hello?

    Bilbo Hello… This is Bilbo Baggins and I am in dyeing need of directions… Do you think you could be of assistence?

    Cooper Uh is this a prank call or are you the Bilbo Baggins from the book that i’m reading?

    Bilbo Ummmmmm… Sure

    Cooper Ok I can give you directions from the map in the front of my book.

    Bilbo Ok i’m in the top of a tree in the forest of Mirkwood…

    Cooper Ok where do you need directions to?

    Bilbo To get out of the forest obviosly!!!

    Cooper OK OK!!! Um from what I can tell you need to head east.

    Bilbo Oh… Ok… Thanks!

    Cooper Yep… I was also wondering what kind of phone you have because I never have sevice in the forest of Mirkwood

    Bilbo I just now found it and it is a Verizon Platinum #1 with a slide out keyboard and a touchscreen.

    Cooper Cool! i’ll have to get me one of those.

    Bilbo Definately!!! thanks again… Bye

    Cooper Bye

    • Cooper Yep… I was also wondering what kind of phone you have because I never have sevice in the forest of Mirkwood

      Bilbo I just now found it and it is a Verizon Platinum #1 with a slide out keyboard and a touchscreen.

      CooperStudent10: This is why I love teaching. You guys make me LOL!

  16. Autumn: Hello?

    Bilbo: Helo is this Autumn?

    Autumn: Yes who is this?

    Bilbo: This is Bilbo Baggins of the Shire and I need your help.

    Autumn: Where are you at?

    Biblo: I am at the top of this tree that the dwarves made me climb to see if I could see a way out of this horrible forest. But I can’t see anything but more trees. I need your help to tell me how to get out of here!

    Autumn:Ok ok calm down I will see if I can help you.

    Bilbo: Ok thank you so much.

    Autumn: Ya no problem. But I dont know where you are exactly in the woods so all i can tell you is that you need to listen to what Gandalf and Beorn said and just stay on the path and try not to stray off of it. Save your food and water supplies as much as you can. Thats all I can tell you.

    Bilbo: Thank you so much for your help.

    Autumn: And by the way nice job when you met up with Gollum and you gave him a question about what was in your pocket. That was very clever. Anyway good luck on your adventure and good-bye.

    Bilbo: Thank you bye bye.

  17. Haley: Heeeelllllllllllloooooooooooooooo!!!!!! May I ask whos speaking please???
    Bilbo: This is Bilbo Baggins???
    Haley: Ohhhhh… how you doin????
    Bilbo: Well personally i am stuck at the top of a tree in the middle of the Mirkwood forest right now so life ain’t goin so good!!!
    Haley: Well that sucks for you!!!! Well what can i do for you??????
    Bilbo: Well first if you wouldn’t mind i would like to know how to get out of this most horrid place!!!
    Haley: Well how am i suppose to know how to get you out of here??
    Bilbo: Well how am i suppose to know? I just found this cell phone hit some buttons and happened to call you.
    Haley: I feel so special!!!
    Bilbo: Could you please just tell me how to get out of here!!! PLEASE!!!!
    Haley: Well okay so your the little hairy footed hobbit from my book right????
    Bilbo: Yes.
    Haley: Don’t you like eat a lot , live in a hole, and your really slow?
    Bilbo: Yes i am all those things and many more but you could lay off a little don’t ya think!!
    Haley: Of course!!! So while you were going on and on i started looking through my Hobbit book and i found this map at the front and assumed that this is what you needed. Sadly i cant like take a pic and send it to you so i am going to try and explain to you how to get out. Okay all you have to do is keep following the path that Gandolf has shown you and you will eventually get out of there. Also you will meet many nasty creatures along the way so watch out!!!! Good luck i hope you survive!! I will read all about your journey in my book!!!!! If you do survive call me at 1-800-111-2311!!
    Bilbo: Well thank you so very much and if i do survive i will totally call you!!!Too da loo!!!
    Haley: Bomboyage!!!

  18. Addee: Yellow?
    Bilbo: Addee??
    Addee: Umm yeah. Who the heck is this??
    Bilbo:This is Bilbo Baaggins the hobbit from your book.
    Addee: Dude! Why are you calling me!?
    Bilbo: I’m at the top of the old oak tree and I can’t see anything and I have no idea what to look for could you please help me!??
    Addee:Yes sir. Okay so you have still quite a ways to get out but you will make it. There are going to be big GROSS nasty spiders up ahead and be careful they may be very dangerous so don;t tick them off. And no matter how hungry you are do NOT eat them you WILL die! Just keep following the path you are on and you will be out soon. Just stay on the path as Beorn and Gandalf had advised. That is all I can help you with,Aand please tell Thorin to not be such a grouch!
    Bilbo: Thank you very much it is greatly appreciated,I will be sure to tell Thorin and I hope you have a great day and a great life!

  19. Bilbo apperars to lost and needs a little guidence from the master of direction. he only got one phone call, and oh look, my phone is a’ringin!!!!:]

    ANJELICA: Whats up craig?

    BILBO(lost): Nothing much on this side of the phone, no really there is nothing around me.I’m afraid i have been lost.

    ANJELICA(in laughter): You know Bilbo, you are not very coordinated on land you know the name of, let alone on land that you didn’t even know exsited! What is wrong with you boy?!

    BILBO: Oh don’t give me this nonsense! Just give me directions so i can get out of this horid place.

    ANJELICA: What are you gonna give me Mr. Baggins, perhaps a coloring page of great majestic mystery?

    BILBO: For the lord’s chest hair are you greedy, yes you may have my elmo’s coloring page, now directions please!

    ANJELICA: Alright well your are in the forest, am i correct?

    ANJELICA: HELLO!!!?!?!?!!?
    BILBO: YES!!!! where else would i be yo, i haven’t ventured my to-do list in a while but i am pretty sure it doesnt say that i need to get lost in the depths of candyland now does it?

    ANJELICA: well i suppose not, but are you saying that it does tell you to get lost in the forest? Not very smmmaaarttt.

    BILBO:Well i guess im on my own for directions, boy did i waste a phone call on this rediculous creature.

    ANJELICA: Alright Bilbo don’t get your big girl panties in a knot.
    Here’s the way out of the forest, i think?

    BIBLO: oh dragon hoppers, here we go…….
    ANJElICA:this is very hard, reading a map in all, but i think, mark my words, i think you go along the shore of the river and it should lead you to the end of the forest, leaving you…….. in a place i do not know the name of fortunately.

    BILBO:well shucks i guess i am on my own or listening to the weirdo on the other side of this device we are now calling a dinosaur phone.

    ANJELICA: well thankyou right back at you MR. cranky but Baggins!!! GGGGGGGGGGOOoooooodddddd BBBBYyyyEEE!!!!Peace yo!


    • ohh my goodness anjelica….i recall we had a phone call jst like this one theeee ptha nioght????hahaha ilooove yu my dearest aanjelica!!!!

  20. Amy: Hey dawg.

    Bilbo: Hello lady!

    Amy: Uh, who is this?

    Bilbo: You are speaking to Bilbo Baggins.

    Amy: Hey, isn’t that the dude I’m reading about in The Hobbit?

    Bilbo: Um…

    Amy: Do you know a guy named J.R.R. Tolkien?

    Bilbo: Yes! My creator.

    Amy: So you’re the hairy dude.

    Bilbo: Sure?

    Amy: Where are you then?

    Bilbo: I’m stuck in a tree, and I need a map of the Middle Earth. But you’re just a giant, so I guess you wouldn’t…

    Amy: Well like… I have one right here. So what do you need to know?

    Bilbo: Well first off, how much farther until I get outta the forest?

    Amy: Well, have you passed any weird spider-looking things yet?

    Bilbo: We’re kind of close to them.

    Amy: And there’s sort of a hill in the way, right? And you’re supposed to be looking over the branches?

    Bilbo: Yuppy guppy.

    Amy: Well on my map, I see a bunch of spiders with a bunch of webs, too. So you must be near there, so you must go directly East to get out of the forest. Because you see, if you look northeast, or maybe even north, you might be able to see the Elven King’s halls.

    Bilbo: Er… sure?

    Amy: You following me, Baggins?

    Bilbo: Um, no.

    Amy: Just go East. Climb down the tree, and look away from where the webs are, as in the opposite direction. Go straight, and see if that takes you to the end of the forest. You can do it!

  21. Gage: Ello.

    Bilbo: Who is this?

    Gage: Gage Sir.

    Bilbo: Well it’s very nice to meet you.

    Gage: Sure…. Who is this?

    Bilbo: Biblo Baggins at your service.

    Gage: Nice to meet you Bilbo. So wait?? You’re that guy in the book i am reading right??

    Bilbo: I am in a book?

    Gage: Yeshh… You didn’t know??


    Gage: Yah. You’re stuck in a Mirkwood aren’t you??

    Bilbo: Yes, yes i am and it’s dark and stuffy. If Bombur lets one slip one more time i’ll…

    Gage: Hahahaha

    Bilbo: Ok lets get to business. I and dwarfs are lost. Can you help us?

    Gage: Sure…. I have a map in my book.

    Bilbo: Thank you.

    Gage: Sure sure. Ok so… uhh ohh.

    Bilbo: What?

    Gage: You are in a spider web Bilbo!!

    Bilbo: No, really… Where are we?

    Gage: Right in the middle of a spider web!!

    Bilbo: Gage… You’re scaring me where are we!?!?

    Gage: Run Bilbo!! Run North, East quickly. You only have a day or two left before you reach the outside!!

    Bilbo: There is something in that bush…

    Gage:Run Bilbo and party run!!

    Bilbo: I can’t here you… Hello… Hello??

    Gage: Bilbo were braking up.

    Bilbo: Didn’t know we were dating… don’t you think we should meet then date?

    Gage: No!! The phone is breaking up.

    Bilbo: What?

    Gage: The phone is breaking up!!

    Bilbo: Ahhhhhhh!!

    Beep beep beep beep beep…

    Gage: Bye:/

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