After reading to page 130, go back to Hobbit Topic #8 and read through everyone’s comments there. Copy/paste a comment from someone, tell whose comment it is, and critique them on a.) what their comment does well and b.) what their comment needs work on. Here’s an example:
I was retreating from the goblins with a slight disadvantage because I had Bilbo on my back. I then felt the hand of a goblin on my leg and i new Bilbo and I were headed towards the ground. I scrambled back up to my feet and shouted “follow me everybody” assuming that Bilbo was right behind me. Everyone was tripping over bodies and at one point I almost was beheaded by Gandolf’s sword Glamdring. There was no time to count the followers and I never realized we had left Bilbo until we had passed through the gate guards and gate door and down to where Bilbo found us.
Here’s what Cooper did well:
- He remembered to use first person personal point of view (saying I did this or that instead of he did this or that).
- He remembered that Gandolf’s sword is called Glamdring and he called the sword by name, just like the characters do in the novel.
- He builds suspense by describing the goblin’s hand on his leg.
- He uses adult-sounding vocabulary like “assuming” and “disadvantage” and he uses active verbs like “scrambled,” “retreating,” and “beheaded.”
What he needs to work on:
- He forgot to tell us whose point of view he has chosen.
- He forgot to capitalize the word “Follow” in the statement, “Follow me everybody!” and he probably should’ve ended that statement with an exclamation point.
- He misspelled “knew.”
- He pretty much just re-tells what the book already says, but I think it would’ve been more interesting if he had added a few more creative elements, using the imagination that I know he possesses. CooperStudent10 is a really creative guy, so he probably would’ve added cool fight scenes or something, if he’d taken the time to think that sort of thing up instead of just saying what’s already in the book.
NOTE: If you list four criticisms, you should list four things they do well. If you criticize three things, be sure to give three positive comments too. Don’t go too heavy on the criticisms, please!